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They engage in hot, sweaty, intellectual conversations about Proust.

Do you know where Marcel friggin' Proust is Some people stick to their guns when they say they don't care about looks—and bless their hearts.

You have to sign up, write a profile, sift through other profiles—the average millennial's attention span is about the size of the period at the end of this sentence.

Sometimes they are seeking only friendship, but more often than not, they are indulging in extra-marital affairs and infidelity.Unfortunately, we're literally engineered to gravitate towards attractive individuals who smell like redwood trees and caramel.If a phone sex hotline and Tinder drank and had a baby, it would come out as Revealr.and I'm not talking about sugar-free carbonated soft drinks.We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked (lovingly and subjectively) on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist.

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