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A collection of humour ranging from cute and clever all the way down to crude, cued, hued, nude, phewed, pooh-poohed, prude, queued, rude, skewed, sued, viewed, wooed, imbued with ‘tude, meant to exude a good mood dude without a feud (and hopefully managing to offend just about everyone) strictly for purposes of entertainment and to confirm the age-old saying, “Laughter is the best medicine! THE PURPOSE OF RELATIVES IS FOR YOU TO BE COMPARED UNFAVOURABLY TO THEM. If that makes us mean or weird or unfair, so be it. The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.

"Do you realize that you are thirteen years old and have wasted the entire day playing that idiotic video game? YOUR HUNGER LEVEL IS DETERMINED BY THE MISFORTUNES OF CHILDREN IN OTHER COUNTRIES. Better eat it all; children are starving in China." I offered to send the remainder of my brisket to the starving Chinese children. The Jews will die out, as a result of your stubborn refusal to date a nice Jewish girl. Someone asked me, “Are you into heath and wellness?

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail." - Fran Lebowitz A man saw President Clinton smoking a pipe and said, "Hey Bill, I thought you were a cigar man." President Clinton responded, "Cigars are for pussies! Post Office What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? -Casey Stengel While driving down the road a motorist saw a fortuneteller at a roadside stand sitting under an umbrella smiling and laughing.

The motorist passed on by but then he spun his car around and sped back toward the still-laughing fortuneteller, pulled up next to the woman and suddenly began slapping and beating her.

He opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest.

Maybe we'd like to have at least one room in this house that doesn't look like Arnold Schwarzenegger had a riot in it. Because they're for company only, not for daily use. "Why do we keep plastic covers on the couch and chairs?The Canadian looks at him and says, "What are you doing?! " The Texan says,"In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap." A while later, not wanting to be outdone the Canadian pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it.The guy from Buffalo can't believe this and says, "What did you do that for? " The Canadian says, "In Canada there's plenty of Champagne and bottles are cheap." So a while later the guy from Buffalo pulls out a bottle of beer.

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