Book of rules for dating
The book prompted a screaming match on Oprah's show; she devoted a whole episode to the topic of "do The Rules work or don't they? But the overall theme, presented to you as lovingly as your captor might tuck you in at night, is: adjust to men's needs. I was certain, at the age of 26, that my failure to secure a boyfriend meant I was doing something wrong." The authors, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, built a business offering phone consultations and in-person seminars, spreading the gospel of steely passivity to lovelorn women. I recently told a friend that it was the 20th anniversary of The Rules, and she whispered, "The crazy thing is, most of that book was right." The Rules is a rather incoherent mashup of good, practical advice (don't waste your energy on someone who's not interested), retro gender essentialisms (men don't like funny women), and bizarre anecdotes (Bruce and Jill went bed shopping together for her apartment, and to prove she wasn't angling for marriage, Jill bought a single bed instead of the queen-size bed, which worked, because then they got married, and then they had to buy a queen-size bed, hah-hah-hah. I was an only child, raised by an eccentric single mother who longed for a more conventional family. " he screamed, as the comic lifted his eyebrows and I shrank in my seat. "Refrigerator it is," said the comic, and the show started. The next week, I again waited for him to call (Rule No. 9: "Be Sweet and Light." "I got to AA every day," he said.
" he said, and raised his hands, still filthy from the sledgehammer.
But most of the men claimed that, actually, they didn't like these gender norms in dating. Lamont's female subjects said their experiments in being forward usually didn't get them the outcome they wanted.
They wanted women to ask them out; they wanted women to pick up the check. Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University, found in researching her 2008 book Hooking Up that sexually aggressive college-age women were "sanctioned" for their behavior: they faced a certain amount of judgment from their peers in the form of a bad reputation. It's something you act, something you demonstrate for other people." We've "performed" our gender for so long, and the role is so ingrained, that it affects how we feel about ourselves and other people.
"One minute," the dispatcher barked, and I grabbed my coat. "Look, if you leave now," he said, grabbing my arm again, "it's over." He pushed his face into mine as we stepped sideways into the elevator.
"So," I lied cheerily, "let's talk next week —" He followed me down the hall and grabbed my arm as I pressed the button for the elevator. "That's fine," I said, abandoning the lighthearted voice and shaking him off again.